Understanding yourself to get free

estranged coupleIf you, or someone you know, are struggling with pornography or some form of sexually addictive behaviour, there is a way out. Once you understand why you do the things you don’t want to do, you can take sensible steps towards overcoming unwanted compulsions. You may feel deep shame and desperately need hope that there is a way to get healed. Take heart: God is looking to do some of his greatest miracles in your deepest struggles!

First of all, realise you are not alone.

Pornography addiction has escalated to an epidemic in the last fifteen years due to the nature of the internet. You may feel like you are the only one who has this struggle, but that feeling is deceptive. The following statistic (which excludes teens) is a conservative stat:

68% of church going men view porn regularly according to Barna Group’s latest statistics

Internet pornography and cyber sex have become the crack cocaine of sexual addiction. That means that even people who never had a problem in this area before, are now finding that they are in difficulty. From little children as old as eight years of age to pensioners who thought that their struggles would go away as they got older. A tsunami wave of destruction has been unleashed.

I hope you were encouraged by the Conquer series trailer developed by Dr Ted Roberts. As you heard, the reason this is so powerful is because of a discovery neuroscientists have made. They can now show that porn addiction is not just a sin or moral problem, it’s also a brain problem. So trying to exercise more will power when the will is enslaved is futile.

According to the findings of Pure Desire ministries International, 60 to 70% of men in the church and 50% of pastors are in some way struggling sexually and losing the battle. Increasingly women are caught up in this bondage in various ways too, be it love addiction or porn addiction.

Perhaps you feel that your struggle has been draining the life out of you and trying harder hasn’t helped you to stop? Or maybe as a leader or counsellor you are at a loss to help people? Or you have been caught and are sitting with consequences you never ever envisaged? God has allowed you to run into reality to break your denial because he loves you. But here is the great news:

God loves you. He will not discard you like an old useless rag ready to be chucked into the bin.

He does not want you to struggle alone through this, but his heart is to walk with you into purity so that you can experience abundant life. (See the other articles on how to do that).

God has not given up on you! 

In the place you find yourself right now Jesus loves you deeply.

As mentioned, he will not discard you like an old useless rag ready to be chucked into the bin. God isn’t simply standing by telling you to get your house in order, but is the one who will work in you to come clean and get restored. To be clear though, you do need to repent and change your direction, which is possible because God already loves you.

It’s self defeating “to fake honesty and think you’ve got it made” (George Burns)

Only once you decide to break denial and move towards what will bring healing, will the Lord walk with you out of addiction. See John 3:17 & Jeremiah 30; 12 – 17.

You may have worked harder by praying more, reading the Bible, fasting etcetera, but it hasn’t helped. Doing the same thing over and over will not produce different results.That is because there is stuff in your soul that is needing to be healed and because your brain is needing to be rewired. Once you access those parts of yourself an inner change will take place. Make a tree good Jesus said and it’s fruit will be good (Matthew 12:33).

You have to break the silence

If you want to experience freedom there is one thing you have to do. Get out of isolation, break the silence and join a group and maybe also speak to a counsellor. It’s been said that the opposite of addiction is connection. If you don’t connect you will keep setting yourself up for further failure. Trying to get different results by doing the same old things in isolation won’t work.

God wants to get you through this. No matter what your struggle, his plan for you is to not just become a conqueror, but more than a conqueror!

With trained facilitators and excellent Pure Desire materials we offer counselling and support groups from a Biblical perspective with proven clinical tools for those who are ready to beat this thing. This also includes training for church leaders and counsellors who are wanting to learn how to effectively help people who are struggling. (See About for more information).

Contact Bernard on:  + 61 (Mobile)  0412 768 119 (Landline) 08 992 18365 or


To help you assess where you are at, you can also take the anonymous online sexual addiction screening test (SAST):  http://www.conquerseries.com/sast/

*Please be advised that I am legally required to report all reasonable beliefs of child sexual abuse as well as viewing of child pornography to the Department for Child Protection and Family Support.

I may also break confidentiality if a client discloses that they may harm themselves; or discloses that they may harm others