I can’t believe this is happening
If you have discovered that your spouse has been acting out, your life has just come crashing down. Firstly, as painful as it is, your biggest challenge will be to stop protecting him (or her if you are the husband on the receiving end). Protecting a spouse habitually acting out will only further be hurting yourself.
If you protect him he will not seek help.
By trying to manage his addiction or by policing him you will only become codependent and keep enabling his sexual bondage.
Realise, that you have been thrust into a circumstance you have not chosen, and have experienced pain that is unimaginable. You have experienced a trauma through no fault of your own. Life has suddenly become unpredictable and unsafe and many questions will be going through your mind: “I used to adore this man, how could I ever have been so stupid?” “What happened? What did I do wrong?” “Why did he choose someone else over me?”
What can a woman do after discovering the man she loves is using pornography, has had an affair, or other sexual integrity issues?
The emotions are overwhelming. Trauma feels so much like a crippling emotion of fear. What can a woman do after discovering the man she loves is using pornography, has had an affair, or other sexual integrity issues? As mentioned, during this turbulent time, she is either feeling numb or that a Tidal wave has just crashed upon her and her family, and she is looking for practical steps to survive. In all of this you need to know two things: It is not your fault and you are not to blame. God has not abandoned you and is not punishing you, but is for you, right at your side ready to walk with you each step of the way. Joining a women’s Hope and Healing group can enable you to gain some ground and will help you recover your life slowly.
Joining a women’s Hope and Healing group can enable you to gain some ground and will help you recover your life
You will be able to get a handle on some of the following questions:
– What do I do now?
– What happened to the man I thought I knew?
– Is it my fault, and what is my role in all of this?
– How much should he tell me?
– Should I stay in this marriage?
– What does recovery look like?
– What does my future hold – is there hope for me?
Whatever happens with your marriage, God is always at your side
You will rediscover God in your midst and know there is hope for you and you will gain the assurance that whatever happens with your marriage, God is always at your side and will carry you through this.
PS: If you are not in this situation, but are uncertain about whether your partner is struggling, then ask him! Don’t fall into a “don’t ask don’t tell” mindset in the home. You may have a gut feeling that something is not right or simply see the obvious signs:
– He is avoiding intimacy and you feel emotionally neglected
– He is spending a lot of time alone on the internet and at odd hours
– He is secretive with his phone or device
– He has a problem with masturbation or you sense he is doing this secretly
– When he has been at home and you arrive home you feel like you have walked in on something
– He pressurises you sexually and you feel that he is detached in love making, or neglects you sexually for long periods of time
– He uses pressure to manipulate you into sexual activities you are uncomfortable with
– He is secretive with his finances and activities
Getting help before it is out of control and unmanageable is better than waiting till things fall apart completely