It takes courage to face the prospect that you cannot change a certain behavior because you feel enslaved. This is even more so with sexual or pornography addiction. Churches and Christians haven’t always been understanding of these issues, but that is changing.
Most of us don’t like to be “psychoanalysed” or given easy answers.
Nevertheless it’s important that you open up to someone who actually comprehends process addictions and will not give a quick fix solution to solve the problem. (Please see below for the counselling I offer, and wherever you are in the world feel free to contact me).
A counsellor who, within the Biblical worldview, understands how an arousal template, biological systems, personal trauma, family dysfunction and our sexualised culture work together in such a way that they become a straightjacket for the struggler, will help you move forward. (At the end of this page is a list of the spiritual direction my wife and I offer)
The reason is simple: Any destructive behaviour you cannot stop is an addiction: It is CNO: compulsive, has negative consequences and is obsessive. It is in many ways the experience of the Apostle Paul living under the law and “doing the very things that you do not want to do.” (cf: Romans 7)
You need a safe, confidential and supportive environment in which you can share your story, process your emotions and be empowered to set goals and take steps to achieve those goals.
Counselling is a helpful start to breaking the silence and isolation of sexual bondage / porn addiction. Why? Because at the core of this struggle is isolation and shame. You feel like no one will understand and that you are the only one struggling. You feel like something is wrong with you, that you are worthless and shameful. A confidential and supportive environment in which you can 1) share your story, 2) process your emotions, 3) set goals and 4) take steps to achieve those goals is where change takes place.
You can reach normality again in which the obsession and compulsion to go back is broken
There is a way to get free. This freedom does not mean that you will never be tempted again and that every sexual struggle will simply disappear. Most probably you will always have a level of vulnerability. But it means you can get free from acting out and you will experience ever deepening levels of growth in your walk with Jesus. You can reach normality again in which the obsession and compulsion to go back is broken.
Once you take the step towards opening up to a counsellor who understands and empathizes, you can then take the next step towards a recovery group. This means walking with a group of friends who support each other during the week much like a 12 step group. This is how Jesus meant his followers to support each other and in some ways they are and in other ways they are still learning how to.
If you are struggling and need to break the silence send me an email or give me a call. It’s a good start to make.
I also run a ministry help pastors, leaders and churches in crisis: bernardfaulhammer.wordpress.com
Counselling, and mentoring / training available:
Email Bernard on: email@example.com
Mobile: 0412 768 119 (Sydney, Hills District)
Apart from building a counselling alliance with a client, (since each individual is unique), I also offer working through one of the following materials until you are ready to join a group:
- Genesis Process workbook
- 7 Pillars of freedom workbook for sex / porn addicts
- Conquer series
- Top Gun workbook
- Betrayal and Beyond training
*Please be advised that I am legally required to break confidentiality if a client discloses that they may harm themselves or if a client discloses that they may harm others